Walking in Forgiveness, Even When it Feels Impossible.

Forgiveness sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet, if we're honest, it can feel like one of the hardest things to practice in daily life. It’s a struggle for me. Whether it’s forgiving a deep betrayal, letting go of old grudges, or simply releasing the small hurts that add up over time, forgiveness often feels like climbing a mountain. But, in the heart of it, forgiveness is not just about the other person—it’s about our own healing and freedom. And, most importantly, it’s about obedience to God’s word.    

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJ)

That verse became so convicting yesterday after watching the amazing Erika Kirk forgive her husband’s assassin on TV in front of millions of viewers. I had to ask myself if I could do the same in her position?  I have struggled enough with forgiveness for seemingly small things over the years.  It’s a character flaw in me the Holy Spirit is working on daily. 

I remember a time when I held onto a grudge for years. It wasn’t a huge, dramatic incident, but rather a string of small, hurtful comments from someone I had trusted. At first, I brushed them off, telling myself it wasn’t a big deal. But over time, the bitterness took root, and every time I saw this person, I found myself replaying those hurtful moments. Instead of feeling peace, my heart became heavier. It wasn’t until I brought it to God in prayer—actually admitting the weight I carried—that I realized the only one suffering from my unforgiveness was me.

Spiritual maturity and sanctification will bring about a glaring realization of your character flaws.  I know mine.  Unforgiveness is one. I have many that the Lord is working on in me daily, but this one has been huge.  I thought I was doing pretty good until I heard Erika speak.  Sure I can forgive some slights and hurts and nasty comments etc.  But if an assassin took out one of my loved ones, could I TRULY in my heart forgive them? I would hope so but could I really know how I would react without being in that situation? 

When I finally chose to obey and to forgive, it didn’t mean that what they did was okay or that I suddenly forgot about the pain. It meant that I was handing it over to God, trusting that He would bring healing where I couldn't. I didn’t want to be bound by someone else’s actions anymore, and God, in His mercy, reminded me that He had already forgiven me for so much more. How could I not extend that same grace to someone else? That truth has helped me so much over the years.  God has forgiven me of so many horrible things, even murder. Coming to true repentance with and healing from my abortion background in my teens really helps me when forgiveness seems to be a struggle. God forgave the unforgivable in me.

Jesus makes it clear how central forgiveness is in our walk with Him. In Matthew 18, Peter asks how many times he should forgive someone who wrongs him—seven times? Jesus’ answer must have shocked him: “Not seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). It’s almost as if Jesus is saying, “Don’t keep count; just keep forgiving.” That feels impossible sometimes, doesn’t it? But when we look at the cross, at the sacrifice Jesus made, it becomes clear that forgiveness isn’t about fairness—it’s about grace. This concept has really helped in my marriage as well.  Let’s face it, we all have those little things we tend to do over and over and then say sorry for later. 

The thing about forgiveness is that it often requires faith. Faith that God will take care of justice. Faith that He sees the hurt we’re experiencing. Faith that, even when we don’t feel it, choosing to forgive is the right path. Just as we trust God with our finances, our families, and our future, we must trust Him with the offenses we experience. Our spouses do as well.  They are only human as we are and we are both flawed broken people saved by grace. Yet we tend to be slower to extend that grace to others.  Ouch. 

In Colossians 3:13, Paul encourages us to bear with one another and forgive as the Lord has forgiven us. That’s a high calling. But notice the order—Paul first says to “bear with each other,” acknowledging that forgiveness doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We are going to have conflicts, disappointments, and pain in our relationships, but God calls us to carry those burdens and to forgive as part of our new life in Christ.

Here’s something freeing: Forgiveness is a process. It’s not always a one-time decision where everything feels better overnight. Sometimes, you might have to forgive the same person more than once for the same hurt. Sometimes, you’ll find that forgiveness is something you need to keep choosing, day after day, as God softens your heart. And that’s okay. Walking in forgiveness is just that—a walk, not a sprint. I ask God DAILY to soften my heart towards others.  Sometimes it’s a specific person and sometimes its in general.  I know I can be heard-hearted and I don’t want to be that way. 

When we release our need for an apology, we’re living in the freedom that God intends for us. Forgiveness unlocks the door to peace, a peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7). It allows us to breathe again, to let go of the poison that bitterness becomes in our lives. We may never receive an apology or see justice in the way we imagine, but God promises to be our vindicator. He sees all, knows all, and will right every wrong in His perfect timing. I am not responsible for their response, only my obedience to Christ in forgiving.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or even reconciling in every case. Sometimes, boundaries are still needed, and that’s okay. But forgiveness frees your heart to move forward, unburdened by resentment. It allows you to grow and heal in ways you didn’t think possible. Forgiveness does not mean a lack of justice.  I truly hope Charlie’s assassin gets justice and before his death repents and finds salvation in Christ.  Remember, when Paul got to heaven he was met with the very same people he persecuted and helped to be killed for being Christians.

Think about how Christ forgives us—not because we deserve it, but because He loves us. He didn’t wait for us to be perfect before He extended His grace. Likewise, when we walk in forgiveness, we are showing others the same undeserved kindness that has been lavished on us. It’s a radical, countercultural act of love.

Romans 5:8 has become my favorite verse.  “For God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  I had a profound moment of weeping the day it hit me years ago that when Christ died on that cross, He knew every sin I would ever commit.  He knew I would kill my unborn child in an abortion.  It is still hard to type those words but grace makes it possible.  Who am I then to deny forgiveness to anyone else?

If you’re struggling to forgive someone today, take it to God in prayer. Ask Him to help you release the burden. You don’t have to carry the hurt any longer. Trust that as you walk this road of forgiveness, He will heal your heart and lead you into a deeper experience of His love.

Try this prayer:  “Lord, thank You for the grace and forgiveness You have given me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Help me to extend that same grace to others, especially when it feels difficult. I trust You with the hurts in my heart and ask for the strength to forgive, knowing that true freedom comes from letting go. Heal the places in me that are wounded, and help me walk in Your peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

In Him!

Erin